As a memeber of the staff I have a change to really get to see the different ways in which the camps work. Each camp (just like each delegate) is different and requires different needs. To date each camp has reached a level of success that has been set by the staff and the students.
One particular student in Paducah I took personal interest in because she reminded me of someone I was close to in grade school. “Sara” is a good, intelligent, beautiful, kind person but because of her home life and actions (past and present) that were out of her control she is “lost” (I use the term “lost” in a secular sense, not in terms of her soul but in her life goals). Like most people she has learned to accept her current situation and has internalized it to the point that it has become her goal to continue the same type of life style that she is currently living. She feels that her current life style is the best that she can or would want to lead. Sara will be 16 in a few months, has back problems, currently planning to NOT finish high school and to live her life in public housing on disability.
When I first talked to her about maybe doing something different with her life, her response was “Why?”. I attempted to explain but she sees no reason not to live the life of her mother; one of poverty, alcohol, and substance abuse.
Coming from a position of privilege (which we all are) we are able to recognize the destructive patterns of some of our students, but in that recognition how do we break that pattern? Especially when it starts and is reinforced in their home? It’s unbelievable how close you can become to these students in 2 or 3 short weeks. The emotional investment in these students can be draining and at times you can’t help question the effect that you have made. Looking back I realize that Sara and her friends are the reason that I wanted to do this project. I really wanted to make a positive change on the lives of these students. I had no idea the effect that they would have on mine. Each one of the students in the past 2 camps is now a part of me. Sara, however, took a piece of my heart and it saddens me to think of the path that she has chosen.
To Sara (if you ever read this):
It was once said that our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. You are beautiful, intelligent, and kind. Because of this you can make a better life for yourself IF you tried, but you have to try. You may never know the impact that you have had on my life or on the other staff members. Please know that we are willing to do whatever it takes to see you succeed, all you have to do is ask. And WHEN (not if) you graduate I will be the first one there cheering you on.
Remember that your friends, your true friends, are the ones that what you to do the right thing and want to see you do better. Please stop trying to shut them out. You and your friends made the Paducah camp special for me, Thank you. You will always have a place in my heart.
Mikal
As we work these camps we have to remember that we are trying to make a positive change in the lives of these students. So as we fight through attitudes, outburst, disagreements, and any other obstacles that may arise we must not lose sight of that fact nor become discouraged. My grandmother always tells me “doing good ain’t always easy”.
And that friend that Sara reminds me of……….I saw her last year, drying cars at a car wash.
